How To Settle A Sensitive, Shy
Or Anxious Dog Into Your Home! 2
By Martin McKenna
Recognise when your
dog is asking
for help.
If
your shy, anxious dog stands very
still and turns
around and looks
helplessly up at
you with melting
eyes with its
tail held low then it
may be asking
for help.
Your
dog may be
getting stressed by
children, visitors, another
dog or a
confusing situation. Help your
dog solve this
problem and it
will certainly ask
for your help
again. This is much
better than your
dog feeling it has to
solve the situation
by itself – perhaps with
its teeth.
Are you giving
your shy, anxious dog
far too much
attention and affection?
Most owners make
the mistake of
flooding a shy, anxious
dog with far
too much attention. They can’t
drag their eyes
away from their dog,
they keep touching
it and patting
it and they
talk non-stop to it.
However dogs see
humans who behave
in this way
as very weak. It’s like
the demanding, annoying behavior
of a young
pup or teenage
dog hassling an
older dog.
If you continue
to act like
this, then I have
to be honest – your
shy, anxious dog will
become increasingly worried
on a deep, psychological level. A
nervous dog wants you to
be calmly and
confidently in charge – not acting
like a silly
puppy who’s trying
to dominate it
with too much
attention.
An anxious
dog may ignore
you to try
and switch off
your confusing behavior. Or
it will throw
lots of challenges
at you to
make damned sure
you don’t become
its Boss.
Either
way, you’re not helping
your dog relax
if you keep
flooding it with
too much affection
and attention. As tempting
as it is
to baby a shy,
anxious dog – do try
to act like
a sensible, wise leader. This
the sort of
attitude which will
give your dog
some much-needed confidence.
What do dogs
really think about
human hugs?
I
know this will
upset some people, but
dogs don’t see
human hugs as
gestures of affection.
In the
Dog World, hugs are
wrestle holds. It’s
a way of
proving through play who the
stronger and more
dominant dog is. In
a serious dog
fight, it’s a way
of holding your
opponent still so
you can deliver
a winning bite. A
gentle hug means
you gently want
to dominate your
dog – or that’s how
your dog sees
it!
We humans are
related to the
ape group of
mammals and because
we once carried
our young around, we
see hugs as
signs of love
and affection. Dogs will
never understand this
way of thinking. It’s simply
not in their
instincts. They may politely
endure your hugs – but
they’ll never enjoy
them as signs
of affection.
I know
some people will
completely disagree with
me but please
keep an open
mind about hugging
dogs. Watch
dogs being hugged
in future and
look for the
ways dogs ask
you to stop. You
might save someone – especially a
child from getting
accidentally bitten.
What are the
different ways dogs ask us
to stop hugging
them?
Dogs
do many things
to try and
escape from human
hugs. They “accidently” bump
people hard under
the chin so
they’ll be released. They “excitedly”
scratch you to
make you move
away and drop
your arms. They can
lean all over
you to dominantly
invade your personal
space and win
the wrestle that
way.
They
can energetically lick
your face to
push you away
with their tongue. Sometimes they
dart in and
lick you straight
on the lips
so you move
backwards out of
reach to escape
that annoying tongue. They
can even pretend
to turn around
and nibble at the
base of
their tail as
a way of cleverly ducking
out from under
your arms.
If
your dog gently
licks your arm that’s trapping
it, then it’s a
polite plea asking
you to stop.
Some
dogs just stay
still, hoping you’ll soon
get bored and
stop hugging them. They
reveal their stress
by panting heavily.
Have a
look at dogs
in photos being
hugged. Many
are heavily panting
and grimacing in
a way that
only looks like
a smile. This isn’t
a happy smiling
dog – it’s a stressed
dog politely asking
to be released
from the person’s
wrestle hold.
Even if
you just lay
one arm around
your dog’s shoulders,
it’s a
half wrestle hold. Dogs
still don’t see
this as a
sign of affection. They just
see it as
you half testing
them.
Pulling
a dog’s face
to your mouth
for a kiss
is dragging that
dog’s muzzle to your own. It’s
an extremely confrontational thing
to do in
the Dog World. Kissing is
also confrontational. It’s like a dog
mouthing another dog in warning, touching the
spot where he’ll
bite it next.
Remember,
I didn’t
make these ideas
up. I
love human hugs
and being hugged
myself – but I do
feel I have
to be honest
about what dogs
are trying to
tell us. I wish
I hadn’t seen
so many dogs
being euthanized because
they’d protested at
being trapped in
a wrestle hold
by an over-affectionate human
who meant well.
If you
completely disagree with
this whole idea, please try
to keep it
in a small
corner of your
mind. I think over
time you might
start translating dog
language a little
differently. I know it’s
a very big change
to take in. We’ve
been brought up
with movies, TV shows, books
and TV ads
where we keep
seeing people hug
dogs – and the dogs
absolutely loving it.
However,
from now
on watch dogs
“hug” other dogs. It’s a
way of testing
each other’s strengths
and energy. Sometimes it
erupts into a
play fight, or even
a more serious
fight. Even when you
see two dogs
“hugging” in their
sleep, it’s a way
of one dog
gently dominating the
other in a
non-confrontational way.
When you
hug a shy, anxious
dog and it shows signs
of stress, you’re forcing
it into a gentle wrestle
hold against its
will. Your
dog will find
it extremely confronting
and stressful. It will
keep thinking you’re
trying to dominate
it by holding
it in a
gentle wrestle hold
for a few
moments. This will not help build
trust between the
two of you.
What if my anxious rescue
dog needs extra
love after being
abused or neglected?
I
know some people
will be concerned
that their abused
dog needs extra
love if it’s
to heal. However, in the Dog World, all
that gooey human
love stuff is
just seen as
weakness.
Trust
me when I
say the kindest
thing you can
do for even
the most abused, shy, anxiety-ridden dog
is to be
a calm, capable leader. Frightened dogs
want you to be
in control because
then they can
relax and shrug
off all the
responsibilities of being
the leader of
your pack.
They
want to see
you calm and
relaxed because that
means they’re safe, so
use lots of
yawning and deep, sleepy
breathing. Best of all, even
the shyest, most frightened
dog wants to
see you happy
and having fun! It may just
watch for a while from
a distance, but watching
you laugh and
have fun will certainly help
it heal.
Fun
is a very
infectious thing in
the Dog World…but
let your abused
dog come to
slowly trust you. When
it’s ready it
will come and
tell you so
with a nudge
or a sniff. This
is when it’s
ready to start
making friends slowly
with you. This may
take a while. It
certainly won’t happen
within 24 hours!
Shy, anxious
dogs can stare
straight ahead heavily
panting, but still be
watching you out
of the very
edge of their
vision.
Even
if you think
a shy, anxious dog
isn’t really looking
at you – still give
calming relaxation signals.
You’ll
be surprised by
how much they
can see out
of the edge
of their eyes
as they stare
ahead. Your dog may
not be directly
looking at you, but
it can still tell whether
your chin is
high or low, how
relaxed your body
is, how intensely you’re watching
it and whether
you’re giving calming
signals or not.
My anxious dog
is so truamatised, it just
hides all the
time.
If
a dog is
so traumatised it
just hides under
beds and behind
couches, you need to teach
it the world
isn’t such a
scary place. I’ve found
the fastest way to do
this is to
bring your dog
inside or as
close to your
house as you
can – say the verandah.
Clip
it on a
leash and walk
it over to
a quiet corner
and secure the
leash. Now give it
a mat to
sleep on. This is its
new Safe Place. Any time
you’re around, clip your
dog on its
Safe Place leash.
By
the way – never drag
your dog by
the collar to
this rug. Use a
different leash and
perhaps a treat
to walk your
dog over to
its Safe Place
mat. Dogs are such
creatures of habit
that soon all
you’ll have to
do is say, “Go to
your place” and your
dog will go
there by itself.
Before
long your dog
will come to
see this mat
as an extremely
wonderful place. A sort
of island of
tranquility where it
knows everyone in
your family will
leave it in
peace.
This
is important. Make
sure your kids
and other dogs
leave your dog
alone when
it’s on its
mat. Everyone needs a
place where they
can just relax, feel
safe and switch
off. Shy, anxious dogs really
need such a
place because it’s
very exhausting being
this scared of
everything.
I
find it’s handy
to have these
leashes and mats in different
places around the
house. You might have
one in the
living room, as well
as one where
it will sleep
at night. I also
have one out
on the verandah
or covered patio
and in any
other room you
use a lot.
This Safe
Place technique really
helps shy, anxious dogs
settle in to
family life. If your
dog just hides
under furniture all
its life, it will
always believe the
world is a
scary place. We need
to push its
comfort zone in a calm,
non-threatening way and
this technique has
helped many shy, frightened dogs
gain confidence.
Gradually
your dog will
relax around humans
so much that
you won’t need
to clip it on its Safe mat
leash any more – it
will just treat
it as a reassuring comfort
blanket – and go there
when it feels
stressed or confused.
What if my new rescue
dog is too
frightened to even
be touched?
Perhaps
you’ve only recently
got a rescue
dog and it’s
rather shy and
anxious.
If
a dog is
very nervous and
moves away from
me, I leave the
dog alone because
it’s politely asking
you to respect
its personal space. If you
force yourself on
a reluctant dog
it may feel
like it has
to growl or nip you
to be left
alone. What we’re trying
to say to
this new dog
is, “You can
trust me. I understand
what you’re trying
to say to me.
You want
to get to
know me first.”
Some
dogs just need
time to trust
new owners and
I respect that.
If
a dog lets
you know it
doesn’t want to
be touched, just move
away in a
bored manner, yawning sleepily
and go and relax somewhere
a very pleasant
distance away.
Act
bored instead of watchful.
Bored, relaxed people
reassure anxious dogs
very quickly because
they don’t give
off the energy
of someone who’s
suddenly going to
attack you.
To
a dog, a quiet, watchful person
seems like they
may start creeping
up and pounce when
it’s asleep and
vulnerable. So simply pretend
the dog isn’t
there at all. This
will help your
dog trust you
faster than anything
else.
I
like leaving new
dogs with anxious
personalities clipped alone
on their mats
for a few
hours on arrival
so they can
watch you and
the rest of
the family. They’ll judge
you by the
way you interact
with others – so now’s
the time to
calmly show what
a marvelous person
you are by
the calm, safe way
you communicate with
your family and
visitors.
If
you keep crowding
a shy, anxious dog, giving
it non-stop attention, it
will start acting
in a manic
way. This is a
sure sign of
stress. Don’t push affection
on shy dogs. Just
give it time to
trust you. You can’t
become best friends
by forcing yourself
on someone and
smothering them with
affection in the
first couple of
hours.
Give
your new dog
time and space
to observe you. Let
it work out
what sort of
person you are
as you walk
around the house
doing your usual
things. I can’t emphasise
this enough! Give your new shy,
anxious dog plenty
of quiet time
while everyone completely
ignores it. Allowing a
dog to sit
or lie in
a corner of the room
clipped on a
leash with a Safe Place mat is
the fastest way
to relax a
nervous dog. Just leave
it alone and
let it watch
you!
What if my
anxious dog won’t
stop barking?
Barking
non-stop is a
sign of stress. Your
dog is confused
and this is
how many dogs
get rid of
stress – by barking it
out! It also wins
dogs valuable points
because it’s a
way of invading
your territory space
with its noise.
Exhaust
a barking dog
with a good
long walk before
you bring it
inside. Toss it a
raw bone to
relax it. Clip it on a
leash inside or
clip it on
a dog cable
outside. You can buy
these bite-proof cables
from pet shops.
Taking away its
freedom will help
make it feel
less important and
demanding.
Then
go sit down
and get absorbed in
a really good
comedy DVD. I like
shy, anxious dogs seeing
us totally distracted
by something else – and
I think it’s
more powerful if
you’re really relaxed
and laughing at
a great comedy
show.
Be firm
about stopping a
dog from barking – even your
shy, anxious dog. Make your
whole yard and
home a bark-free
zone.
If
a dog won’t
stop barking when
you march briskly
up to it with your
chin raised high and firmly
say, “Be quiet”, then it’s
telling you clearly
that you’re not
the Boss yet. You’ll
need to win
more of those
25 secret challenges
before it’ll obey
you and be quiet. Some
dogs use barking
as a desperate
attempt to try
and feel like
they’re still in
control of a
situation.
What if I
have more than
one dog – including a shy,
anxious dog?
If you have
more than one
dog – then it’s essential
to make each
dog’s rank position
in the pack
very clear. If you
don’t, the stress levels
in all the
dogs will rise
as they worry
about where they
fit in the
pack. Worrying about where
its rank adds
unnecessary drama to
the life of
your shy, anxious dog – making
it much harder
to settle down
and relax.
Fortunately, organizing each
dog’s rank is
easy.
Never
treat your dogs
as equals.
If
you have more
than one dog, decide
which dog is
naturally more dominant
and treat that
individual as the
most important lead
dog. Give it everything
first and treat
it as the
most important animal.
From
now on, make sure
you always feed
your dogs in
this pecking order. Also
pat them in
this order and
give them treats
in this order.
Your
dogs fully understand
this system and won’t find
it unfair at
all. In fact, they’ll find it
very
reassuring if you
take over. Why? Because now
they don’t have
to sort this
pecking order out
among themselves with
lots of fights!
Never treat
dogs as equals
otherwise you’ll have
some serious fights
to deal with in future. If your
dogs do have
a fight, then you’re
not making this
pecking order clear
enough and you’re
not yet winning
enough points. The dogs
are fighting over
who should have
the Boss position!
What can I
do if my dogs look
ready to argue?
If
there seems to
be too much
aggression in the air, play
it safe by
tying all dogs
to separate mats. Put
them in different
corners of the
room and ignore
them all. Make sure
your lead dog
is closest to
you and your new dog
is furthest away.
Every
now and again
lift your chin
and yawn sleepily
to tell everyone
to relax. Otherwise pretend they
don’t exist. In the
Dog World, this is how a
wise lead dog
gets everyone to
calm down and
get along quietly. Keep
half closing your
eyes sleepily and
do something that
keeps your attention
off the dogs – like
watch TV or a
good DVD. Dogs are
very impressed by
humans who act
in a very
sleepy, calm manner in tense
situations. This is a
simple way you
can prove you’re
a great leader.
How to add
a new dog
to your pack.
I
never force dogs
to meet each
other. Pulling two dogs
together to sniff
“and make friends”
is asking for
trouble. It’s like you’re
dragging them together
to fight and
your dogs will
find this very
stressful and confrontational.
If
the dogs are
pretty friendly, let them
go over and
sniff the new
dog for a few minutes. Before anyone
gets any ideas
of challenging each
other – tell them to
go away and
leave the new
dog alone. If there’s
friction in the
air, play it safe
by tying all
your dogs in
different corners of
the room.
However, if
your shy, anxious dog
is becoming very
stressed – tie both dogs
up straight away
in opposite corners
of the room.
They
can meet later and bond
while they’re out
on the walk
on their leashes. Dogs
who regularly walk
together will naturally
start bonding. This is
safer because when
they’re outside on
the walk the
dogs are meeting
on neutral territory.
Taking
away everyone’s freedom
helps calm everyone
down and make
them feel safe. Clipping your
new dog in a corner
of the room
will help your
other dogs feel
less threatened too. If
you ignore your
new dog a lot,
your other dogs
will feel relieved
and not so
aggressive. If you already
have a shy, anxious
dog – it won’t be
so stressed if
the new dog
is tied up. Now
it doesn’t have
to worry about
being attacked at
any moment.
Build a daily
routine around 2 guaranteed walks.
A
shy, anxious dog will
relax a lot
more if it
realizes you can
be relied on
to take it
for two good
walks every single
day. Now it can
relax quietly between
walks. Dogs are very
reassured by having
the same routine
every day. Once it
gains more confidence
you can relax
your routine a
little – but keep those
2 essential, calming walks.
Expect
lots of protest
barking or whining
if you miss
walks. Dogs need those
two essential walks
per day to
rid themselves of
stress! If you work
long hours invest
in a professional
dog walker.
Teach your dog
to walk politely
and confidently on
the leash.
Even
if a dog
is shy and
anxious it should
still behave politely
on the leash. I
have some great
free sheets called, “Winning
the Battle of the Walk.” These sheets
are full of
great ideas of
how to get
a shy, anxious dog
to walk politely
on the leash.
Encourage
your dog to
discover a healthy
sense of independence.
Don’t
make the mistake
of spending too
much time with
a shy, anxious dog
or it will over-bond with
you and panic
when you leave
it at home
alone.
If you
feel your dog
is over-bonding with
you – encourage it
to spend more
time in another
room or outside
on its own. Be
more aloof with
it until stops
being so needy. Stop
looking at it, touching
it or talking
to it as much as
you have been. Get
it used to being away
from you by
giving it a
raw bone to
distract it.
When you have
to leave your
dog home alone.
Don’t
fuss with the
dog or get
anxious as you
say goodbye. Make it
a calm, boring routine
when it’s time
to leave. Simply raise
your chin very
high and leave
your dog in
your back yard
or a secure
dog pen with
a raw bone
to chew. Don’t leave
your dog out
the front of
your house or
you’re asking it
to go on
guard duty. As you
can imagine, this is a very
stressful job for
a shy, nervous dog.
If your
dog anxiously barks
and howls, you can leave
it in your
laundry with a
radio on and
a raw bone
to chew. The radio
will help calm
its nerves. Also keep
a dog in
the laundry who
gets very destructive
when nervous, although make
sure it can’t
reach any electric
cords.
For very
bad howlers, invest in a
large pet crate. Place
a sheet over
the top so
it feels like
it’s in a
safe cave. Switch on
that radio so
it can’t hear
any small, strange noises. If
you’ve tired out
your dog enough, it
should very
quickly fall asleep.
However, if your dog
gets almost hysterical
every time you
leave it alone, consider getting
some sedative tablets
from your vet. We
need to break
your dog’s habit
of panicking every
time you leave.
WARNING!
If you’ve let
your dog win
too many of
the 25 secret
points, it
will feel extremely
scared and stressed
now you’re leaving
it at home
alone. This is because
it has the
burden of being
the Leader while
home alone. This really
freaks some dogs
out so make
sure from now
on you always
keep your point
score much higher
than your dog’s.
Unfortunately,
if you’ve spent
too much time with your
dog
you’ll now have
to pay the
price because it’s over-bonded
with you. If so, it’s
time to ignore
it much more
and let it
spend time away
from you – even when
you’re at home. Take
the time to teach it
a greater sense
of independence.
I can’t say
this enough – a tired
dog is a
well-behaved dog.
Really increase the
exercise of a
dog that panics
when left alone. Exhaust it with a
truly tiring walk, then
give it a
raw bone to
chew and turn
a radio on. I
find if there’s
complete silence in
a house an
anxious dog will
freak out at
every tiny noise, imagining the
worst.
However, most tired
dogs will shut
off from the
solid noise of
the radio and
go to sleep. Especially if
they have a raw
bone to chew
on.
Ultimately, what
we want to do
– is win
our shy, anxious dog’s
trust and prove
the world isn’t such a
scary, confusing place.
My
favourite moment with
a really shy, anxious
dog is when
it decides it’s
ready to be
your true friend. This
may happen days, weeks
or months after
you try the
ideas in these
sheets. You can’t force
this moment – your dog
has to ultimately
decide when it
trusts you.
I call
this moment the
start of finding
Dog Zen – and wow – it’s
a moment that definitely feels
special! It’s a
quiet moment when
the dog comes
over to you
very calmly and
waits for you
to touch it
in a gentle
way. There’s a very
quiet, still energy surrounding
the whole experience. This moment
is your dog
saying, “I trust
you now. I trust
you to be
my leader and
my friend and
my human. I place
my life in
your hands.”
This is
the main turning
point for your
shy, anxious dog. It’s pure magic
and such an
unforgettable experience!
It’s probably the reason I love helping
dogs so much. They’re
incredibly appreciative when
they meet someone
who finally understands
them. As well as being loyal. Honest. Honourable. Generous with
their spirit and energy.
Sympathetic. Friendly and fun. What can I say? I
really love dogs!
If you found
these sheets helpful, here’s three great books I’ve written
to help you
learn more about
dogs…
Buy now as a paperback from ABC Books Australia here!
Buy now as an e-book from Amazon here!
“What’s Your Dog Telling You?” is an absolute must for
all dog owners. If you have a sensitive, shy, or anxious dog
it’s essential! It was a bestseller in its first year. It
covers so much – dog language signals, behavior problem solutions
and how dogs think in different situations.
Buy now as an e-book at Amazon here!
My other book, “What’s Your
Dog Teaching You?” is a
fascinating book too. This
shares 60 life
lessons of how
dogs can teach
humans to lead
a happier, more inspiring
life. I believe dogs
are some of
the most influential
teachers we’ll ever
have in our
life. They’ve certainly transformed
my life completely. What’s your
dog trying to
teach you?
Many
people tell me they buy my books as great gifts for other
dog lovers. You may also like to share these free sheets with
other friends who have dogs. I believe in sharing free
information around as much as possible!
Pre-order now as a paperback from Amazon here!
Now I'm really excited - my
memoir about my time living with a
pack of street dogs in Garryowen, Ireland as a boy is being published
in New York. The book's called,
'The Boy Who Talked To Dogs,' (SkyHorse). This is the story of how I really started translating what dogs are saying - a great book - I'm very proud of it!
Extract from Amazon:
When Martin McKenna was growing up in Garryowen, Ireland, in the 1970s,
he felt the whole world knew him as just “that stupid boy.” Badly
misunderstood by his family and teachers, Martin escaped from endless
bullying by running away from home and eventually adopting—or being
adopted by—six street dogs. Camping out in barns, escaping from farmers,
and learning to fend for himself by caring for his new friends, Martin
discovered a different kind of language, strict laws of behavior, and
strange customs that defined the world of dogs. More importantly, his
canine companions helped him understand the vital importance of family,
courage, and self-respect—and that he wasn’t stupid after all. Their
lessons helped Martin make a name for himself as the “Dog Man” in
Australia, where he now lives and dispenses his hard-earned wisdom to
dog owners who are sometimes baffled by what their four-legged friends
are trying to tell them.
An emotional and poignant story seasoned with plenty of Frank McCourt–style humor, The Boy Who Talked to Dogs
is an inspiration to anyone who’s ever been told he or she won’t amount
to anything. It’s also a unique, fascinating look into canine behavior.
In these pages, Martin shows how modern life has conditioned dogs to
act around humans, in some ways helpful, but in other ways unnatural to
their true instincts, and how he has benefited enormously from learning
to “talk dog.”
You can also find Martin McKenna on
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